I delight to do Your will, O my God, And Your law is within my heart.

Psalm 40:8

Sunflowers grow up learning to turn their faces toward the sun. Wherever the sun is in the sky, you’re sure to find the young flower heads faithfully tracking with it.

I guess the reason for that is because the flowers know the sun is their key to survival, and that they will produce a multitude of seeds by following the powersource the sun promises to be.

Well, I really do wish I found eagerly seeking the direction of the “SON” of God, MY source of power and hope,to be that effortless.

When my husband died, I was so confused, and a little angry, with God.

Not surprisingly, the Lord was so gracious with me! He has infinitely more wisdom and compassion than I have.

And I soon realized that!

Now, God’s never given me clear answers why He took Jeremy from us, but I trust Him…

That God could see what I couldn’t…

And that He knew what I didn’t.

Not only did I have a season of anger with the God of ALL my days, but I also began to JUSTIFY it! I honestly believed that anger is a normal part of a “crisis of faith”, which was what I had experienced, and that it was just a part of maturing as a believer.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Obviously not THAT mature, right?!!🤣

Listen, God can use and redeem ANYTHING He chooses.

Furthermore, He’s always faithful, even when I am anything but!

When you start asking Jesus questions, it can go one of two ways:

Either He doesn’t answer, and you become hardened by His apparent silence…

OR

He still doesn’t answer, but you realize His ways are almost always beyond explaining ANYWAY, and you find peace instead.

Due to absolutely nothing decent or good in ME, Jesus drew me closer to Him…

And what I discovered of His presence was greater than any “answer” I might ever hope to get.

Psalm 40:8 just snuck up on me one day, and I was challenged to

LOVE. HIS. WILL.

You might be wondering how my husband’s “untimely” death could ever be seen as God’s will.

Welcome to MY world!🤣

As we all know, all men are destined to do one thing:

Die. (Hebrews 9:27)

Job 42:2 states, “I know that You can do all things; no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”

God’s plans WILL come to pass, whether we like it or not.

Isaiah 14:27 reads, “For the LORD Almighty has planned, and who can thwart Him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?”

I remember times when I prayed and prayed, asking God to reveal what His will was for some particular decision I needed to make.

Many many moons later, God REVEALED His will for me (and for Jeremy)…

And I wanted nothing to do with it!! 

Will we really be DELIGHTED when we discover God’s will might mean something deeply painful for us?

Maybe you think you DO love His plans for your life, but do you realize that His plans included your day last week, or last year, when His plans completely shattered your life?

What’s more, I don’t think I could have ever begun to heal from the pain until I began to understand that THIS way…

that this INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT way…

GOD’S way… was best.

Delighting in God’s way isn’t doing backflips down the aisles at church or anything.

It’s not puppy love, full of fluffy notions and cotton candy affection for the Lord and His direction.

It’s more like… “old people love”.

It is a weathered APPRECIATION.

It is a quiet kind of battered gratitude.

It is RESPECT.

One last fact about the sunflower…

When the flower is fully mature, its face is permanently set, facing east….

Where the sun rises.

It doesn’t need to follow the sun all day long anymore…

Because it knows where to find it

In the morning.

“When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love him.”

-Elisabeth Elliott