I didn’t really expect this.

Tomorrow’s supposed to be “my day”.

I don’t have to be sad at EVERY holiday, do I???

I try.

I really do.

I try to think of how AMAZING my children are.

They totally are!

Macy and Micah are super compassionate kids, and both have a knack for sarcasm, for which I’d like to take credit.

And they both really and truly LOVE me.

Almost as much as I love them. It’s a huge competition around here…

“Who loves who more?”.

If I could let it stay right there, I’d be fine.

I could THINK about Mother’s Day without crying….

If I could….

If I could think about tomorrow WITHOUT thinking about one of the main reasons why I’m a mom in the FIRST PLACE….

If I could think about Mother’s day without thinking of their daddy,

That would be great.

But I can’t.

When I was in labor with Macy, he was my partner. His was the hand I squeezed through every contraction.

His was the face I saw, with tears flowing down his cheeks,

When he carried her over to my face so I could see my daughter for the very first time.

He said Macy had “strong legs”, because Jeremy noticed she was kicking wildly when they pulled her out of me.

He said she had fire.

And he was right.❤

I can’t think about Mother’s day without remembering how fast the contractions started to come immediately after church that Sunday, with our second child.

On the way home, Jeremy knew this baby was COMING!

And he said to me, a fellow “foodie “, “If we’re going right to the hospital, you KNOW they won’t let you eat.

….,Do you wanna get a sandwich?” 😂😂😂😂

I love that memory.❤

You didn’t mess with either one of us, when it came to food.

Well, just a few hours later, Jeremy was holding his brand new son.

He had so much joy that day.

He thanked me for the gift of his children.

I thanked him, too.

Every Mother’s day since my kids were born, Jeremy went

ALL OUT!!

He wrote letters to me, telling me I was a great mom, and how much he loved me.

He never failed to deliver on Mother’s day.

I wish I could stay in bed tomorrow….

I wish I didn’t have to feel the absence of his love tomorrow…

Or ANY day, really.

But I have to get out of bed..

I have two kids depending entirely on me to do so!

They will have gifts and letters…

And I will love them, as always.

But it will never be the same.

And that’s GOT to be okay with me.

Jeremy is gone.

But he left me with the VERY BEST PIECES OF HIS HEART!!

Macy and Micah.

And I will truly treasure his most extravagant gifts EVER!!

On this day, and on every day we have together..,

The three of us.

We might be sad tomorrow, but we will ALWAYS be grateful.

And we will ALWAYS be

Blessed.

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.” So they worshiped the Lord there.

1 Samuel 1:27,28

Mother’s Day, Without Their Daddy

11 thoughts on “Mother’s Day, Without Their Daddy

  1. Oh, Pami, I’m so sorry for your loss and for the absence you are feeling in your bones. I hope yesterday was a huge affirmation of God’s presence and that you were encircled by love.

  2. Pami, this touched my heart in the deepest way. Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us. There are so many mothers who are all alone and need this. May you continue to encounter God’s blessing again and again as you walk this road.

    • I’m writing this through my tears… thank you…I hope people will share this with others who have lost a spouse. There really is very little out there about the loss of a spouse and Mother’s day or Father’s day. I just wanted to share what was on my heart this past weekend. Thank you much for your prayers.❤❤

  3. Pami, I came across your post on the By His Grace Bloggers feed and I could tell from the title, it was something I needed to read. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m praying for you even as I type out these words. I’m a widow as well, with 7 kids (though some have now launched and 4 are still home with me). I know God WILL take care of you and be so present with you, but that doesn’t take away the excruciating pain of loss. I would love to talk to you more….and find out your story. I read your about page with the stroke. You have been through much; holding you up in prayer today and asking that you will feel the strong comfort of our Father.

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