In my family, there were three girls.

I was the the middle child…which explains ALOT!😊

But the oldest is Vicki.

You know what?

I was never jealous of her, I don’t think.

She was the first to experience switching from grade school to middle school.

She was the first to start high school.

She was the first to move away from home.

Vicki was the first to get married, too.

I never WANTED to be first, when it came to any of those experiences.

I was nervous and scared, but I could look to her to get a “lay of the land”.

I never entered anything scary without some tiny tidbits of info from my awesome big sister.

Having those who have already walked the painful road you find yourself on….

It’s priceless.

I have this t-shirt someone gave me recently.

These words are on the front:

“I’m a LEADER, NOT A FOLLOWER..

Unless it’s a dark place, then screw it. YOU’RE going first.”

You see, I’m definitely not the first.

Not the first to be in this horribly

dark,

lonely,

painful place.

You won’t make it through your time on this earth without having front row seats to the worst day of your life.

That dreaded front row at funerals.

Jeremy’s was at the building we use for church services.

Every Sunday, I am reminded, when I look out at everyone from the front of the room…

I’m reminded of the seat I had to sit in with my two babies next to me.

There is a woman who sits in that spot, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop this bit of sadness that creeps in every Sunday and Wednesday,

Each time I steal a glance at that chair.

It’s a pain unlike any I’ve ever known.

My husband’s death has set me on a CRAZY journey!

A journey filled with heartbreak,

Filled with questions that I feel I need answered…

Filled with anger…

Filled with fear of holding my family together on my own…

I would be very lost without a special group of people…

People who have lost what I’ve lost.

These special brothers and sisters come in the form of Griefshare.

This is a program available at many churches, and we began implementing it a few years ago.

Honestly, I don’t like going.

The first few weeks, it was torture!

I was the petulant toddler, pouting with her arms folded…

As if to say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m here, but I’m not going to like it!”

I just really didn’t want THIS STORY.

I didn’t want to face that my husband, and the father of my children,

Was dead.

But…

My heart opened when I heard others’ stories.

They were so much like mine.

The group leaders have also walked this road, and their guidance…

Their constant reassurance that every crazy thing a person says they are feeling, is NORMAL….

Is so NECESSARY!!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3,4

In Griefshare, we are directed primarily to the Word of God for direction,

For comfort,

For understanding,

And for TRUTH.

I am not alone.

Sadly, there is plenty of pain for

ALL OF US.

But I’m so grateful that I have this group of family members, who encourage one another,

Who cry with one another,

Who pray with one another.

It truly is the Word of God, that mystically transforms into the hands and feet of Jesus.

I’m so grateful for Jesus’s

Hands,

His feet,

And His arms that hold me…

Through people who have felt

His arms, too.

Guided Through Grief

4 thoughts on “Guided Through Grief

  1. I understand your sadness every time you look at the chair in the front of the church, Pami. It bothered me so much to look at the couch that my husband died on that I actually switched the living room to the dining room so that my mind wouldn’t keep replaying that night. My mind had been constantly rehearsing his dying moments with the room filled with rescue personnel. My heart would start to race and I would be overwhelmed with sadness. Unfortunately, you can’t rearrange the church to prevent you from reliving the day of Jeremy’s funeral but I will pray that the pain will lessen for you!
    I am so thankful that you are finding support at Griefshare!

  2. I have heard so many wonderful things about the griefshare program. I work for a crisis line and I refer my grieving chatters to see if there’s a griefshare near them through giving them a link to the site. My mom used to lead a group in griefshare as well. I a so glad that you had one already within your own church. I imagine it most definitely had to be hard to go at first. Im sure there has also been so much that your willing heart has added to the group.

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