Now about that time Herod the king stretched out his hand to harass some from the church. Then he killed James the brother of John with the sword.
Acts 12:1

That’s pretty much all we get to know about how James, the brother of John, and one of the three most notable disciples of Jesus,  died. Some texts say he was beheaded, and that he was the first disciple to die because of his belief in Jesus,  but that’s it. 

The next 16 verses tells the amazing story of Peter’s miraculous rescue by an angel from the same prison where James had just been held.

James was executed. 

Called coursely out of his prison cell one day…

And was sliced with a sword.
But not Peter.

No, an angel came to save him.
I’m a huge Peter fan, in that his personality is alot like mine. So, if there’s hope for him, there must be hope for me, too, you know? So, of course that story encourages me!
But when I read this the other day, I was so saddened by the stark difference between the stories of these two best friends of Jesus. 

One gets this great miracle! 

The other just dies.

I imagined Peter’s family loudly celebrating his unique rescue….

And the joyful noise of that, disturbing and deepening the overwhelming grief going on in James’ home. 

Didn’t James’ family wonder why Peter got the miracle,  but not their James?

Why did God choose to save Peter…

But not James?

“Why not OUR  boy, Lord?”

“Didn’t you love him as much as you loved Peter?”

A year after God gave me a miracle in my own life, my first cousin,  Scott, died of a double aneurysm in the brain at the age of 40.

 I wondered, and even felt guilty about, why I  was spared, and he was taken.

Don’t we all kind of wonder what God is doing sometimes?
“Why did you heal HIM from cancer, but not my mom?”

“Why did you save THEIR marriage,  but not ours?”

” Why did you spare THEIR  child, but not mine?”
“Where’s MY miracle?”

“Where’s MY angel?”

Wow. I just don’t know. 

What I do know, is that God has an infinite number of ways to show up and do amazing things in our lives,  just like that angel did. And sometimes,  we might miss what He is giving us, doing for us, or doing IN  us, because we think or want it to look like it does for OTHER people.

James was special.  And Jesus did love him! 

He DID  want the very best for him, as He did Peter.

He just didn’t want the miracle to look the same.

James got to be in heaven BEFORE  Peter and John, his “assumed favorites “.  He got to be the very first person who Jesus loved during His time on earth to see Jesus AGAIN, on the other side!


Still a miracle!

Look, if you’re expecting the miracle you’re waiting on to look even a LITTLE like it does for your friends,  chances are,  you will miss YOUR miracle. 

A woman was telling me about a time she was visiting her son and his family in  another state. She said that they decided to take a day trip to a museum together. The son and his mother had hours of really great conversation,  just the two of them in the front seats of the car. She remembered thinking what a special time it was for her. 

Two days later, her son suddenly collapsed and died.

She told me she could now see that the precious time she had with that son on that road trip was a special gift, a miracle, from the Father.

She knows it.

She sees it.

I  pray we would be able to see the miracles, too.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry.

Habakkuk 2:3

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;

Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;

Do not forsake the works of Your hand.

Psalms 138:8

Where Is My Angel?

15 thoughts on “Where Is My Angel?

  1. Beautifully stated! When our son was killed in a car accident, I remember walking around and observing all of the “living” people and wondering, why Justin? I was shaken to my core as I came face to face with the sovereignty of our great God. I continually come back to, Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I rest in this truth.
    May the Lord bless you and keep you. ❤

    • Wow, I am so sorry about your son! Thank you for your encouraging words, which I’m certain come from a place of great pain. May God continue to bless you and your family!!❤❤

  2. This was absolutely wonderful. I have had these thoughts so many times, but you are absolutely right. The miracle is different for each person. We lost a baby through miscarriage last November and I often wondered why ALL of these other women continued to have healthy pregnancies and babies while mine passed. I don’t understand it all and I don’t even know the reason. But I know my precious baby is with the Lord and will never know suffering, will never lose their innocence, and I will never have a burden for them to know Jesus. He or she is already with Jesus in Heaven – my eternal home. Thank you for writing this.

  3. Thank you for such a well thought out and powerful piece. When you wrote this, “And sometimes, we might miss what He is giving us, doing for us, or doing IN us, because we think or want it to look like it does for OTHER people.” – that hit me in such a powerful way.

  4. My family and I are waiting on several different things in various avenues. When there are so many different things connected to your health and finances, when you’ve been waiting so long for miracles, it can be easy to take our eyes off of the fact that there are still so many interwoven blessings mixed within our life. Many times I need to on purpose focus on all that He has done with our limitations and in that are many miracles. I wish you knew how much I needed the reminder of this today and literally at the time of day I read it was no accident! Thank you ❤️

    • April, thank you for sharing some of your struggles! I have yet to change my “About ” page, but my life took a major turn in 2018…On November 24, my husband was killed in a brutal car accident. My two children and I are fighting to keep going. My husband had his own internal battles, which became OUR battles too. I prayed for a miracle for such a long time. And recently, I revisited this post, which was written almost two years ago… but is just as true today as it ever was. So, thank you again, April.❤❤❤

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