I have been genuinely, and truly in love with God for the last seventeen years. Now, I knew about Him and professed to belong to Him my entire life, but it became the “real deal” 17 years ago. And ever since then, my life has run into obstacle after obstacle, while my life before that point, I remained relatively unscathed.
Fifteen years ago, I started having excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. After a couple months of cringing through it, I went to the doctor. That day, I found out I had an ovarian tumor roughly around the size of a small baby! No wonder those crunches weren’t working! : ) So, I had surgery to remove the tumor, and the destroyed ovary and fallopian tubes on my left side. This was pretty traumatic, because I was single and wanted to have children, and I wasn’t sure if all of those things would happen now.
Then, I had three or four more surgeries to remove cysts off of my remaining ovary. And each time I woke up in the recovery room, I was so scared they would tell me they had to take my last ovary. But they never did, although I was told my chances for getting pregnant in the future were pretty slim.
THEN, about nine years ago, they discovered I had an infection in my left breast and they were concerned about precancerous cells, so they removed the infected area, and as a result, part of my breast. I felt like a mutant…ugly, strange, and now, unlovable. I felt that no one would ever be able to love me the way that I now was. Possibly not able to have kids, and a deformed breast! (It turns out guys don’t really care about that last one—as long as you have them! )
Fast forward a few years, and I miraculously got married and had a baby girl! But trouble was still in the shadows….we lost a baby, and my marriage took a nasty blow. I didn’t think we were going to make it. At all.
THEN!! I had a massive stroke, many smaller ones, emergency surgery due to internal bleeding, and addiction issues.
It seems like my life just seemed to go from bad to worse ever since I made a commitment to God, to love Him and serve Him for the rest of my sad, little life!
But when I look back at those earlier circumstances, as bad as they were, they are actually a beautiful part of who I am, and of the person God is creating in me to become! I love my story now…because it’s mine! It may get worse than this at some point, and then I’ll look back at now and say, “Wow! Life was beautiful then!”
Because He’s close during the pain. He shows up in suffering. He molds us in our misery. And somehow makes us beautiful!! God is loving and soooo GOOD. He only permits enough harm to make us grow, never so much that we are destroyed, no matter how “destroyed” we may feel. So, trust Him today in your pain, because beauty is coming!