Do you ever find yourself in a battle with YOU? I do…all the time. The words I speak in order to claim them as truth immediately become victim to my doubts. For example, as soon as I say, “With God’s strength, I will be victorious” in whatever my circumstance is that day….my doubts take that as their cue to enter in and run me around in circles, questioning whether or not I can really count on Him.
This makes me think of a father in scripture, who has just about the most sincere and honest conversation with Jesus. Lately, mine echo his:
21 So He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22 And often he has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
Those last words are so beautifully honest! I won’t speak for anyone else, but those are the words of my heart so often. And because the Bible recorded that special conversation, I feel it’s okay to voice those words to Him. In that sentence, I hear, “God, I believe! ….No, not totally, but I so much want to!”
More than anything else, God wants us to be honest with Him, whatever that looks like. And He can take care of the rest. The rest of the chapter goes on to reveal that Jesus, of course, healed his son.
We need to be honest with God, even if it means we have doubts about what He can do. He never turns a child away who is asking for help! The things I’ve been surrendering to Him, I daily take back to handle on my own. And that is my way of saying, “I’m not sure You can take care of this.” But this week, I am telling Him the truth: “Jesus, sometimes I’m just not really comfortable with letting you truly handle it.” HELP ME BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU CAN DO!”
The way I grew up, you never admitted to ANY weakness, especially with regards to your relationship with God. But really…. God knows us inside out, so who are trying to fool?! He desires honesty high above performance. And appearances mean less than nothing to Him. So let’s stop wasting our time and His, and just get to the point! I don’t believe the way I should and the way I want to! So help me! I think Jesus loves those kind of prayers. And I KNOW He answers them, too.