Usually when I write one of these blogs, it usually falls on the day after a crisis, or the day after I had this huge spiritual epiphany! But not today. God keeps compelling me to write today. Today. It hasn’t been a good day, or a clarifying day, or any other “let’s put a positive spin on it” kinda day.
My son is sick. He has been sick for over ninth months. He’s been on the whole list of antibiotics….twice! And yet he is still sick. We saw a specialist today who completely contradicts all the information we’ve gathered from all the other doctors who have put in their two cents. And later in the week, he is being tested for some big stuff…stuff too scary to talk about yet.
And I feel…. tired….overwhelmed….anxious….confused….worried….did I say tired? A person once told me “you don’t know “worried” until you’re a mom”. They are right about that. I would take every cancer, every germ possible upon myself to keep it from reaching my kid. Today, I feel out of control and desperate for answers. And I’m angry! I CAN’T take care of a sick child- permanently! I mean, I know my limits, and that is far above them. The anxiety inside of me is like a clogged toilet, just getting ready to overflow.
The only positive, helpful thing I know to do is to plant good words into my worried brain, and believe them into my heart. I know there are other moms fighting worse, more difficult fights than mine. So, here are words for all of us!
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.
You see? I’m starting to feel a little better already. I hope you do, too. And if you can, please remember my son, Micah, in your prayers.