One of the more frustrating effects of the stroke is the way is messes with my memory. My short term memory is extremely challenged now, making it difficult to remember things from one minute to the next. And my long term memory is damaged, too. It can be a little annoying and confusing to not remember what kind of games I played as a kid, or where that little scar on my right wrist came from.
A speech therapist told me repeatedly that all the information I had prior to the stroke is still in there…just the roads to get to that information are kind of “washed out”. So, I have to somehow make new pathways in my brain to get to those memories and other things I used to know.
Sometimes, with no effort on my part, something will spark a memory, and I get another piece of my life back, which is pretty cool. However, not all memories are fond ones……Just yesterday in talking with someone, a memory came back. It was a painful event from when I was around twelve years old. I cried for awhile last night, as if dealing with it for the first time, having to forgive all over again.
I decided that having memories is sometimes just plain old overrated!
There is another who also has memory issues:
God chooses, when we repent, to just “not remember” anything at all about it! How does a God who knows EVERYTHING just choose to “not know” something???? Just when I think I am sufficiently amazed by who He is, He shows me something else that knocks me off my feet! Wouldn’t it be great to really, honest to goodness forget the terrible things that happen to us? One day, we will. But for now, I am content in knowing about His forgetfulness. His beautiful, amazing forgetfulness.
So when you’re beating yourself up for the thousandth time about something you’ve asked Him to forgive, remember that He doesn’t remember! At all! To Him, it never happened. So move forward, and forgive yourself. Because not only is it forgiven, it’s forgotten!